a new year

Two nights in a row I watched the movie A Walk to Remember. It is actually a novel by Nicholas Sparks. I haven't gotten around to reading the novel, but I heard the movie was a good one. So, I decided I was going to tackle all these "good" movies while I was on my holiday vacation. If you have not seen it, see it. It really opens your eyes to the concept of hope, ambition, and that little thing called love. It has inspired me to create "a list." In the meantime, I want to set my resolution for the new year.

It seems like yesterday we were just bringing in 2010. The year 2010 was both challenging and rewarding to say the least. I learned quite a bit.

Every year there is a little bit of internal growth. Reflecting on 2009, I remember being sentimental about the fast paced growth of my children. One graduated high school and the other "graduated" from elementary school. Both were beginning new adventures. They continue to grow so fast for me. I feel left behind! My daughter is practically on her own even though she lives under our roof. This past year,she developed a small little life of her own. This is a good thing though, so I realized. But I do miss her. I was just about her age when I was about to be engaged. That sounds so scary now! I want her to take her time. I want her to relish the life she has and learn to love herself and enjoy life before settling down. She is such a vibrant young lady with so much ahead of her. She has skills her age I could have only dreamed of when I was there. She says she knows what she wants to do when she finishes college, but I think there is more I'm going to see from her than she knows. My son on the other hand is quite the character! He talks so maturely for his age. When most kids will describe things in "kid terms" my son describes them in a much more mature vocabulary. We sometimes look at him and laugh with astonishment thinking "what did you just say?" I think my son is going to travel the world one day. He has big plans to attend Harvard. I say go get 'em son!

So, a new year is approaching. This means new goals, new dreams, new hope. I want to wish my husband and my children a blessed new year 2011. They mean the world to me and I pray their goals, dreams, and desires come full circle. My New Years resolution will be to focus on our future.:) My husband and I have lots of goals to accomplish this year. I want to focus on seeing them come to reality. Lastly, take a trip with my family. We just got back from our family cruise to the Caribbean during the Thanksgiving holidays and we had a blast! (I will blog about that one soon!) So, I am inspired to take more trips. I can't wait! Maybe, just maybe I will get New York!

Happy New Years to all! Just in case I don't get to blog before then. Wishing all a prosperous and blessed 2011! Can't wait for the new year to come!

Happy New Year 2011! Bring it on! :)

Mobile

So I discovered mobile blogging! Maybe this will help me blog more often! :) Sweet!

Christmas surprise

When I was little, I reveled in early Christmas morning when I would open my presents and be lit up with surprise with what Santa brought me. I don't remember how old I was when I realized that my parents "helped" Santa out every year. One of the presents I remember being surprised was when I received my keyboard. I was in middle school and I learned the first notes of the song Home Sweet Home.

It seems now that the surprise element has diminish or did I not teach my children the joy in it? ha! Or maybe I am just the one who loves surprises? This year we bought our children two really neat gifts. I was too excited and I couldn't wait to see their eyes when they opened their gifts Christmas morning. Sadly, I think they already peaked at their gifts! So now to plan B. I won't say what plan B is at the moment just in case they come across this entry. haha! But it will be a fun plan B. That will show them! haha!

So, now I am left with one person to surprise and that is my love. We usually pick out our gifts for each other. We do that because he says he doesn't want to disappoint me in not getting what I really want. So, I just go along even though I much rather be surprised. I remember one Christmas when we agreed not to get anything for each other. We were quite low on funds and we had just enough to get our nieces, nephews and our own children their presents. I was picking him up from work on Christmas eve. We were on our way to visit family. He came to the truck with a beautifully wrapped box. I looked at him and told him-we weren't suppose to get anything for each other! He says, I know, but I couldn't let Christmas go without you opening something. I opened it and it was a beautiful red Polo pullover. It had a little black hoodie on it. It was the coziest pullover. I still have it. I don't really wear it much, but I keep it cuddled up in my closet. I will never forget that Christmas surprise.

So, now it is my turn to surprise him. He already has picked out a gift for himself. Little does he know I have another gift for him. It's hiding in a closet. It actually was sitting in the trunk of my car for a week! It is a little something he's been wanting, but we just hadn't gotten around to getting it yet. His first gift will just have to serve as his birthday present since its around the corner.

I can't wait for Christmas morning!

Merry Christmas!!

for better or for worse...

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer for poor, til death do us part...

These words are amazing and run ever so deep. Even though a couple announces these promises in front of a room of people or perhaps in front of a few witnesses, do you think they understand the true depth to these promises in that moment? There is the planning of the wedding with all the flowers, invitations, guest lists, cake, and I can go on and on. Then there is the marriage. Do couples plan for the marriage as much as the wedding? Is it possible that if they did, there would be more couples that would last? There are couples where one gives up on the other and can easily move on. There are some where the two just give up on each other. Then there are those couples that stand true to their promises and hang in there no matter what life throws their way.

Being married takes work. Not everything in a successful marriage comes natural. It is not just about sharing mutual dreams and aspirations. It is giving your spouse a hug when he/she walks through the front door after a long day at work. It is listening to your spouse's worries and concerns about life, work, kids, and everything they feel is important to express in their life. It is eating that burnt pizza from the oven, because it's what's for dinner. Then laughing about how good it tastes. It is taking your spouse by the hand and leading them to the dance floor and holding them not just with your arms, but holding them with your heart while you glide along the dance floor. A successful marriage is about the little things and taking notice to them; appreciating the individual you married for who they have grown to become by sharing their life with you. Even in the worst of times, you still feel their love and they feel yours.

unanswered prayers

Everyday I learn something new. This week has been a real eye opener to lessons I have learned so far in life. When people say "everything happens for a reason," I truly with all my heart believe this to be true. God has a different clock he uses. It doesn't run the same as ours does with hours and minutes. It runs more like weeks and years or like nights and days. He has reason and a season for all of our trials and tribulations. If we are patient and step back and let him take the lead, we just might see the grand picture. It is even more neat to see blessings happen to other people. When you see why things turn out the way they do and then you realize the reason behind it-now that makes you even more humble internally. Unanswered prayers are God's blessings in disguise. I believe my time on this earth has a reason and a season. I may not place all the piecies of the puzzle together until the end. However, one thing is for certain-I will truly be a blessed and grateful person for the life I was given because only God knows that I was the best person there was to live the life that he has given unto me.

learning to let go....

Who would have ever thought 19 years would fly by so fast! It has. I became a mom for the first time 19 years ago. I tell parents of young children all the time that all the baby fussing and running around endlessly is not the toughest time you will ever go through when raising a child. It is when they reach their independence that hits home the hardest.

I remember when my son was about 2 years old. He was an active little boy. Anytime we went anywhere I was constantly following him around. He was a curious boy. He had to touch everything and figure out how things worked. He ran and ran all over the place. I never stopped him from doing so. I would let him wander around with me at a close distance to make sure he didn't get hurt or hurt anyone else. I was tired lots but I never gave up on him. I remember taking him to the beach during a cold day and placed him down in the sand. His little hands would grab at the sand as if it was a totally new feel for him. He was one of those children whose only exposure to television from birth to age 5 was PBS Kids. It was the only station I allowed him to watch. It wasn't until he was 5 that he discovered other cartoon channels and would sneak and watch them. Thankfully, what I had alredy laid out for him with PBS those first years was already instilled in him-I would joke. As a baby, I fed him all kinds of foods because I didn't want him to be a picky eater. It didn't work. He is the most picky eater I know! It's all about chicken nuggets, fruit, bread, waffles, pancakes and cereal to name a few. He is 12 now and his menu of choice still remains. It hit me one day during his summer camp that he was getting older. I dropped him off and wanted to go and talk to the camp counselor. I think he knew I was going to do so too! He walks ahead of me and then without looking at me uses his hand and says "Mom, I got it." I stopped right there and thought "ok." What did he mean "He gots it?" I wanted to say...no you don't! You are just a child! You are still my baby! How do you got it? But, I looked at him go find his place in camp and realized, yes he does got it. He found his place and knows what he needs to do.
Our jobs as moms never end in our eyes even though our children seem to think they do. We will always have a worry in our heart and their safety in our mind. We don't ever want to let go, but there come times when we need to. Even when they are small, there are times when we need to let them fall and determine how they are going to help themself get up and move on. We have to learn that in most cases, they will come to us when they really need us. This I have learned. My job as a mom is the most precious thing I cherish. I was so blessed to have my two children and will forever be grateful for this gift.

not my little girl anymore

My daughter just celebrated her 19th birthday. It seems as if just yesterday she was born. She got herself a new haircut and looks the age. Wow! Time sure does fly! She chose Olive Garden for her birthday dinner. Funny, when I was her age that was always my choice for birthday dinner. I haven't been there since. I ended up really taking a liking to the place. The food was awesome and the service was great! My only regret is that I ate 2 breadsticks! Oh my! They were just delicious!
I watched my daughter blow out her candles. Wasn't it just yesterday she was blowing out 1 candle on her Sesame Street cake? She is now such a beautiful young lady. I remember her last year of high school! Man, was I an emotional wreck! I don't know if she ever noticed it? I had my camera for everything she did, trying to capture all her last moments of school. Just recently she brought up going out of town for college. Yikes! I'm not ready baby girl! But I know you are. I know exactly what you are feeling! It wasn't that long ago I was in your shoes. My dad is always telling her to slow down. Take your time. But do we really understand what that means when we are that age? All we want is our independence and to venture into the world to get all those "experiences." I'm nervous for her! I'm always worried about her. Not necessarily worried about her choices because she is a bright girl. I always said she was my street smart girl. And she is. She knows right from wrong and knows how to take care of herself. She can probably kick some booty too if she had to! ha! She gets all that toughness from her daddy. She is solid as a rock. So, its not her I am really worried about. Its the world that surrounds her that scares me! How do you let go at this time of your child's life. This is where it becomes the toughest part of raising a child. When you have to learn to really let go.

growing up

Whenever I am asked how old my children are, I respond 12 and 18. I get "wow, you don't look old enough to have an 18 year old!" With that I marvel in the fact they think I look so young. But then I end up replying, I am not old enough to have an 18 year old child. I was young when I had her.

I was 16 years old when I went to a clinic. It was a neighborhood clinic and I went in to specifically take a pregnancy test. It was one of my oddest recollections of the entire pregnancy. I was sitting in the waiting room with my boyfriend (now husband). The nurse comes out of nowhere and calls me, not by my first name which is what I was used to being called, but by my last name. We both stand up and she looks at me and says, "Yes you are" right there in the waiting room. Then she just walks away like she had so much other news to deliver to other patients. I was just that teen girl for the moment. I didn't expect anything more, but looking back I think, was anyone going to counsel me? Were there any pamplets to let me know what to expect? My gosh, I was 16 years old! A mere child. That was all I was given. We walk out the door. I do not know what came over us, but as we walked out the door, we laughed. We laughed so hard, like it was a joke. Not necessarily in disbelief, just a laugh. Then we got in the car. And I cried. My biggest fear was the fact that I was about to disappoint my parents.

I look at tv and see reality shows based on teenage pregnancy. I wonder do these young girls truly know their options and the mere fact that being a teenage mom does not define who they are as a person. A productive life can still be lead. I am living proof. It takes determination and strength from inside to still follow your heart towards goals and dreams. I am not in any way saying becoming a teen parent is a good thing, because it isn't the most ideal situation, but it is not the worst thing that can happen. There is always hope in every struggle. I am a firm believer that God does not give us more than we can handle. The experiences he gives us are for us to grow as a person. They don't define us rather they make us who we are. I have never held regret over my decisions. I've learned to take them in and make the most of it.