growing up

Whenever I am asked how old my children are, I respond 12 and 18. I get "wow, you don't look old enough to have an 18 year old!" With that I marvel in the fact they think I look so young. But then I end up replying, I am not old enough to have an 18 year old child. I was young when I had her.

I was 16 years old when I went to a clinic. It was a neighborhood clinic and I went in to specifically take a pregnancy test. It was one of my oddest recollections of the entire pregnancy. I was sitting in the waiting room with my boyfriend (now husband). The nurse comes out of nowhere and calls me, not by my first name which is what I was used to being called, but by my last name. We both stand up and she looks at me and says, "Yes you are" right there in the waiting room. Then she just walks away like she had so much other news to deliver to other patients. I was just that teen girl for the moment. I didn't expect anything more, but looking back I think, was anyone going to counsel me? Were there any pamplets to let me know what to expect? My gosh, I was 16 years old! A mere child. That was all I was given. We walk out the door. I do not know what came over us, but as we walked out the door, we laughed. We laughed so hard, like it was a joke. Not necessarily in disbelief, just a laugh. Then we got in the car. And I cried. My biggest fear was the fact that I was about to disappoint my parents.

I look at tv and see reality shows based on teenage pregnancy. I wonder do these young girls truly know their options and the mere fact that being a teenage mom does not define who they are as a person. A productive life can still be lead. I am living proof. It takes determination and strength from inside to still follow your heart towards goals and dreams. I am not in any way saying becoming a teen parent is a good thing, because it isn't the most ideal situation, but it is not the worst thing that can happen. There is always hope in every struggle. I am a firm believer that God does not give us more than we can handle. The experiences he gives us are for us to grow as a person. They don't define us rather they make us who we are. I have never held regret over my decisions. I've learned to take them in and make the most of it.